He kissed a someone with a penis
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize