you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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