I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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