i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
