Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize