Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
