It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is it because I queefed?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
