god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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