mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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