you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm like, not good at living.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
