oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
