Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's the barista slut.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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