I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
