called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
