i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
