Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
