but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
