My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Couch. On fire.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
