I accidentally had phone sex last night
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize