He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
