Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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