i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
