The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
