I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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