i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
