The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
