five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
