I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
