I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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