and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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