Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
