I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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