whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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