I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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