I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
