Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
