Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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