Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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