alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
