Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Randomize
