Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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