I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
