I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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