After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
