i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
