Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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