My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
