I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
