I want to have your abortion
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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