Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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