seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
