I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
