tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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