i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
