Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
its not stalking. its research.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
