a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
