We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
