I love black thongs
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
