nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
