I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
