That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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