she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You are the jesus of drinking
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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