I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize