K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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