what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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