I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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