She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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