you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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