walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
