Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
