carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize