In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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