Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
