she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
