I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So apparently I’m into choking now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
