I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
