I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
