omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Randomize
