Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We don't watch enough power rangers
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
