So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
