He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize