I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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