I must be too annoying 4 u.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
