a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
