She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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