i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
