Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just cut my nipple shaving
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
