So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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