The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
