When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
