When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
