you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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