Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
