We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Rumble strips road head = magical
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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