i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
