She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
