You smell like a Billy Joel song
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i now understand why vodka
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
