Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Randomize
