I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
