a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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