Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
