At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So. Much. Porn.
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