I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
