it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
