No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize