On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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