I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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