I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
