Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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