need another drink. this is the easiest way
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
