Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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