If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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